Forgiveness sets you free

How we relate to others changes when we realize that we need each other. Our happiness is dependent on caring as much for others as we do for ourselves, perhaps more.

The 10th of the 16 Guidelines for Life — forgiveness — sets you free. In essence, it is a shift of mind that helps us let go and make a new start.

VIDEO: TAKES ON FORGIVENESS

Everyone makes mistakes; it’s part of life and the only way to learn. Yet it can be so difficult to get past our defensiveness and admit our vulnerability and hurt.

Forgiveness demands great courage and sometimes the help of another person. Then it comes more easily when our wish for reconciliation and peace becomes stronger than our anger, disappointment or pain.

Andrew Mech, an Oakville musician and employment counsellor, says: "Forgiveness is opening up your heart and recognizing that people make mistakes. 

"I have a friend who made a very bad mistake in his life that he couldn't do anything about, which was his own little secret. It was eating him up inside and he was suffering from depression and anxiety.

“One day I saw him and he seemed to be much lighter and happier. I asked what had happened and he told me ‘I forgave myself.’”

Reverend Desmond Tutu of South Africa states: “To forgive is not just to be altruistic, it is the best form of self-interest.” 

Try this: Who has the power to upset you and how much time do you spend thinking about them? What expectations or needs did this person fail to meet? Are these realistic? Take a few minutes to reflect on what past causes and conditions may have led to their action. Based on this understanding, are you willing to soften your heart?

Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw, director of The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom in Burlington, is coauthor of 16 Guidelines For Life, available at website centreforcompassionandwisdom.com.