Live Happy: Learning by example

Aspiration is fuel

Change is all around us. It is a law of nature. If everything is changing, then anything is possible.

The 13th of the 16 Guidelines For Life — aspiration – is a profound longing for purpose and fulfillment that lies deep in our hearts and urges us to use our lives well. It is the fuel for positive change.

VIDEO: What others say about aspiration

Craig Keilburger started his organization, Free The Children, when he was 12 after reading a newspaper clipping about a 12-year-old boy who was murdered in the street in Pakistan for speaking out against child labour.

Craig realized he and his friends could improve the lives of children on the other side of the world. Free The Children has inspired more than a million young people to get involved in building schools, health care, sanitation and small business development support in more than 45 countries

“We are the generation we have been waiting for,” he says.

Sharon Babineau of Hamilton founded the Maddie’s Wish Project after her 15-year-old daughter, Maddie, passed away after a three-year battle with cancer.

“During her short lifetime, she made a difference and helped children halfway round the world by giving away her Children’s Foundation Wish to build a school in Africa. Her ability to touch lives, to make the world a better place is a legacy we all can aspire to attain,” says Babineau.

“I now aspire to find the courage my daughter showed us all,  overcoming fear of the unknown and letting go of the what-ifs that were holding me back.”

Try this: What would make your world a better place? What would you like to see happen that is so inspiring that it could take more than one lifetime to accomplish? Are you willing to start it now? What would be the first small step?

Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw, director of The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom in Burlington, is coauthor of 16 Guidelines For Life, available at website centreforcompassionandwisdom.com.

Loyalty creates strength and stability

 
“Peace is caring for those who depend on us and trusting those we depend on,” says the Dalai Lama.

The 11th of the 16 Guidelines For Life — loyalty – creates strength and stability in our lives.

VIDEO: Live Happy through Loyalty

Taking responsibility for each other is often the glue that holds our friendships and families together. It’s a lifeline that helps us function well and feel safe and supported through times of change

“Loyalty is standing by someone when they are at their weakest and worst, and having faith that their strongest and best will transcend,” says Oakville’s Wendy Perkins who started Home Suite Hope, which provides stable housing and support to the homeless.

Deborah Siegel of Burlington exemplifies loyalty to a cause. She took the idea of helping others by paying it forward. Her organization, Acts of Kindness Network, connects Halton people in need with individuals and resources that can help.

Elizabeth Stronski from Niagara-On-The-Lake says: “I admire people who are loyal to who they are, to their values and to their convictions. Once we have this strength within, we live a much more conscious and happy life because we are at peace with our actions.”

Carmen Orlandis, a Hamilton storyteller, says: “The greater sufferings I have experienced in my life were not caused by illnesses or misfortunes, but by betrayal. I learned loyalty on my father's lap. I tried to honour the sacredness of the word given and also the loyalty offered by my friends.”

Try this: Are you close to someone who is having a difficult time at the moment? Take a few quiet moments to consider their situation and needs. Is there something practical you can do to support them? Are you willing to do it? If not, what is holding you back?

Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw, director of The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom in Burlington, is coauthor of 16 Guidelines For Life, available at website centreforcompassionandwisdom.com.

Who makes you feel grateful?

As much as we would like to be, we are neither independent nor self-sufficient. Instead we are part of an extraordinary continuum of events and beings on this planet.

The 11th of the 16 Guidelines For Life — gratitude — celebrates our connections with other beings and our capacity to support each other.

VIDEO: Views of Gratitude

Burlington’s Kayte Cleary retired from the Toronto police force and has been involved with The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom for four years.

“When feeling grateful, I find it impossible to feel unhappy. It is as if the two feelings cannot co-exist,” she says.

“It’s not an easy choice for us to think about and focus on the things we can be grateful for, but it is a choice … that will forever make us feel happy.”

The devastating tsunami that hit Asia and east Africa in December 2004 had a powerful effect on Buddhist monk Venerable Thich Nguyen Thao from Vancouver.

As an expression of gratitude to the people of Indonesia, Thailand and Malaysia who provided help to Vietnamese refugees such as himself, he decided to sell one of his meditation centres and donate the proceeds of about half a million dollars to the Canadian Red Cross tsunami relief fund.

When the initial shock of the sale had worn off, his congregation commented that it was the best lesson they had ever received from their teacher, adding, “We can have a temple of compassion instead.”

Try this: What is going well in your life? Can you identify six people who have contributed to this situation directly or indirectly? Have you expressed your appreciation? Some of them may be hard to thank. Is there a skilful way to do it?

Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw, director of The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom in Burlington, is coauthor of 16 Guidelines For Life, available at website centreforcompassionandwisdom.com.

Forgiveness sets you free

How we relate to others changes when we realize that we need each other. Our happiness is dependent on caring as much for others as we do for ourselves, perhaps more.

The 10th of the 16 Guidelines for Life — forgiveness — sets you free. In essence, it is a shift of mind that helps us let go and make a new start.

VIDEO: TAKES ON FORGIVENESS

Everyone makes mistakes; it’s part of life and the only way to learn. Yet it can be so difficult to get past our defensiveness and admit our vulnerability and hurt.

Forgiveness demands great courage and sometimes the help of another person. Then it comes more easily when our wish for reconciliation and peace becomes stronger than our anger, disappointment or pain.

Andrew Mech, an Oakville musician and employment counsellor, says: "Forgiveness is opening up your heart and recognizing that people make mistakes. 

"I have a friend who made a very bad mistake in his life that he couldn't do anything about, which was his own little secret. It was eating him up inside and he was suffering from depression and anxiety.

“One day I saw him and he seemed to be much lighter and happier. I asked what had happened and he told me ‘I forgave myself.’”

Reverend Desmond Tutu of South Africa states: “To forgive is not just to be altruistic, it is the best form of self-interest.” 

Try this: Who has the power to upset you and how much time do you spend thinking about them? What expectations or needs did this person fail to meet? Are these realistic? Take a few minutes to reflect on what past causes and conditions may have led to their action. Based on this understanding, are you willing to soften your heart?

Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw, director of The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom in Burlington, is coauthor of 16 Guidelines For Life, available at website centreforcompassionandwisdom.com.