Live Happy: Learning by example

Courage, my love

Final in a 17-part series

By DEKYI-LEE OLDERSHAW

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us,” wrote American mythologist Joseph Campbell.

The quality Campbell speaks of — courage — is the final of The 16 Guidelines For Life. Courage fuels our motivation to act upon what we care deeply about with a strength we perhaps didn’t know was there.

VIDEO: What is courage?

It is about stretching, realizing that something more or different can be done — and doing it despite fear or obstacles.

Wangarai Maathai from Kenya is recognized for her struggle for democracy, human rights and environmental conservation, in spite of persecution.

“Throughout my life, I have never stopped to strategize about my next steps,” she once said. “I often just keep walking along, through whichever door opens.”There are times that we have to stand up and speak out. And we have to know when to be firm and when to be malleable. For some witnessing this soft strength, it may seem nuts, but out of love it may be just the right thing to do.

Chris Worobec, of Assumption Catholic Secondary School in Burlington, has great respect for kids trying to make sports teams.

“Ten per cent of kids make the cut to play varsity sports while the others face the daunting task of putting themselves out there against those odds,” he says. “To be told that they aren’t on the team is hard to hear, but they try anyway. That takes courage.”

Regardless of the outcome, acting courageously results in a sense of relief, inner satisfaction and a feeling that something has shifted and we’ve grown.

“Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway,” actor John Wayne once said.

Try this: Is there something worthwhile that you long to accomplish or to say that could benefit others? What is it that holds you back? How substantial is that fear? Are you willing to accept the fear, then carry on by breaking down the task into smaller steps?

Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw, director of The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom in Burlington, is coauthor of 16 Guidelines for Life, available at website centreforcompassionandwisdom.com. 

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Serving others, serve yourself

The 15th of the 16 Guidelines for Life — service – is our full expression of love.

Service means recognizing one another and what is needed, and then mobilizing our caring into action. Our efforts toward others’ happiness results in our own.

VIDEO: What is service?

It took Mark Checkley of Hamilton three years to get help after a work injury that left him depressed and fighting with workers’ compensation officials, lawyers, MPs and doctors.

“By getting out into the world and seeing others’ suffering, you have two choices: to embrace your pain or come out of it by helping others,” he says.

“So I volunteered to help people with disabilities in a chronic pain group to show them that you can live with these injuries. By putting the idea that I am in pain out of my mind, I can continue doing stuff that I like to do, whether for myself or the service of others. In that way I serve myself in a great way, emotionally, physically and psychologically.”

Patricia Gagic, a Hamilton visual artist, is involved in local international non-profit organizations, including Free The Children.

“Working for what is good becomes what love is, the kindness and moment when you are embracing the feeling of helping someone and they respond to you,” she says.

“Initially, it is about helping those who need basics, food and shelter and then the win/win occurs. We can help strengthen their culture to sustain their community for the future.”

Try this: Write down your three strongest qualities and three activities you most enjoying doing. Now add three values that give your life meaning. Think of one way that you could serve others by combining some of these and start now. What would be your first step?

Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw, director of The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom in Burlington, is coauthor of 16 Guidelines for Life, available at website centreforcompassionandwisdom.com.

Do you have a story about service? Join the blog by clicking on the comment link below.

Passion with principles

What do you care about so much that when you see it being jeopardized, your passion arises and you want to do something about it?

The 14th of the 16 Guidelines For Life — principles – are the foundation for the power to take a stand about things that matter to us. Doing this makes our lives meaningful.Your principles may be easier to identify by checking what gets the fire churning in your gut. Getting upset about a persistent issue is the sign that a principle you hold strongly has been breached.

It is niggling and uncomfortable to act in a way that does not feel right, regardless of what others’ influence might be.

VIDEO: Passion with Principles

Albert Schweitzer was an Alsatian German-French theologian, musician, philosopher and physician who embraced the principle of “reverence for life.”

“Woe to us if our sensitivity grows numb,” he wrote. “It destroys our conscience in the broadest sense of the word: the consciousness of how we should act dies.” In a famous experiment at Princeton University in 1973, a group of theology students were told to hurry to another campus building to deliver a sermon on the Good Samaritan. They passed an actor lying on the ground in pain and in need of help.

In their haste to deliver a sermon on compassion, 90 per cent of the students ignored the needs of the suffering person. Some literally stepped over him.

Who are you? How can you make the best of the years you spend on this earth? We may need to abandon a narrow and self-centred view of ourselves and the world to embrace what is important to us.

Try this: Take a few moments to identify what issues fire you up? What do they tell you about yourself and what is important to you?

Identify your own personal guidelines on how to think and behave. Do you manage to live up to them? If not, what might you do about it?

Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw, director of The Centre for Compassion and Wisdom in Burlington, is coauthor of 16 Guidelines For Life, available at website centreforcompassionandwisdom.com

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